Should I

Ive been thinking that I would apply to Project Runway. I want the national exposure, and I feel as if I need a challenge, a push to extend my designs. I do have fear, fear that I am not good enough, that I'm too awkward, or that I think too much of my own skill.

I have thought a lot about success, and what it means. I once said that I was a success in my life if I found a partner that loved me as deeply as I love them, that some skill I performed could change someones life for the better, and that I did not disappoint my parents.

I think I've done those things, but I still feel a drive to push further.

The love of my life is a story for another day, but skill and approval are at the root of my drive.

I'm now ready for this next chapter, the one where I can help change many lives for the better, and where my parents can benefit from my success. They have worked so hard, loved so much, and given so selflessly...I just want to do something wonderful for them.

The meaning of success has changed for me. I want more from my success, I want to give more because of it. Would being on a show make me a success? No. But, it would challenge me in a way I have not been able to implement myself, and I can learn from it...and the exposure would not suck.